Parents have a direct influence on a child's development. They are role models, and the actions that mom and dad do are examples of right and wrong actions for children. In today's world, unfortunately, a large number of children are witnessing domestic violence. Especially now, in the context of COVID-19, when families spend more time at home and the number of victims of domestic violence has increased. An unhealthy atmosphere in the family poses a risk to the normal development of the child and violates the rights of each family member. Сhildren become the most vulnerable in situations of domestic violence. If the mother has decided to leave the abuser and raise a son without a father, this is the first right decision for the child.
How does domestic violence affect a child?
Children who have witnessed parental violence have psychological characteristics that need to be addressed. Domestic violence hurts the child even if he or she is not the object of violence. The actions of the offender might be only against one person, usually a woman (mother). Children who witness violence in parental relationships are prone to emotional and behavioral problems such as anxiety, depression, poor school performance, low self-esteem, fears, and nightmares, eating disorders (overeating or refusal to eat). Such children may be prone to aggressive behavior in childhood and adolescence, or, conversely, may be apathetic to the world around them and in the long run have difficulty building future family relationships. If you and your child are in a situation of domestic violence – ask for help. This is not a weakness. This, on the contrary, speaks of the strength of spirit and the desire to change their lives and the lives of children for the better.
Recommendations for women – victims of domestic violence, raising a son without a father.
- The main thing is love. Of course, you need to take care of basic needs. But often women, against the background of psychological trauma from domestic violence, seriously complicate their tasks. Just keep loving your son the way he is, and make sure he feels that love, and realizes it.
- Explain to the child and reassure him that violence can never be justified. Both the victim of domestic violence and the child need to understand that neither she nor the child is the cause of the violence.
- Strict disciplinary methods are more harmful than helpful. This approach to raising a hurt child will make him fear her mother. And if you want to understand how to raise a son to be a real man without a father, you need to become a friend to the child, a person to whom the child will turn for advice, to whom he will open his soul and share what hurts.
- Show trust. For example, allow your son to manage his learning process by himself. Encourage him to study everything he finds interesting.
- Allow yourself to take responsibility, but do not transfer parental responsibility to the child. For example, to participate in common affairs as much as possible and to influence decision-making.
- Admit your mistakes and be able to apologize. Forgive. Make up for your guilt. This will form an even more trusting relationship and teach the boy to be open in communication.
- Consult a psychologist. This is the last on the list, but probably the first priority advice. A qualified expert will help the child to understand the past, come to terms with it and start working on the future.
Women who have suffered from domestic violence are worried about how to raise a son without a father. But there is no single right answer. The first and the best thing a mother can do is to deal with her trauma and post-traumatic stress disorder, and then she will have the vital energy and opportunity to raise her son to be a real man.
The non-governmental organization Public Movement "Social Unity" continues to inform women with hearing impairments about algorithms for dealing with domestic violence as part of the "Barrier Free Ukraine for the Deaf: Countering Violence against Women with Hearing Impairments". The project is implemented with the support of the Fund for Social Protection of the Disabled, the Ministry of Social Policy of Ukraine, and the Ministry of Internal Affairs of Ukraine.
